Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

Translations/interpretations:

Friendliness is conducive to business success.; Amiability attracts riches.; An even temper brings wealth.; Good-naturedness is a source of wealth; Harmony brings wealth.; Peace breeds wealth.

A even temper brings wealth. This is my favourite. It doesn’t matter if some ignorant, impulsive, impatient and bad tempered brats don’t believe in it. The key to business success is not really “smartness” but good and bold strategy, hardwork, discipline, patience and an even temper. These beliefs are part and parcel of Chinese culture, especially during Chinese New Year.

During this festive season, there is plenty of buying and selling, cleaning and renewing. Demand for goodies like seafood, meat, vegetables go up. Prices follow suit. Schedules may get disrupted as people postpone major undertakings to after the new year. Along with all that, comes a bit of stress. But the party is about to start. We cast our worries aside, put on our finest attire and behaviour and greet the new year with a big smile.

When I was a kid, I was often admonished not to speak of anything negative during Chinese New Year. It doesn’t mean that we bury our heads in the sand. It simply means that we don’t spoil the festive mood which we remembered so well as kids. And I really enjoyed my Chinese New Year back then. All the sweets and good food. Catching up with relatives and friends. And of course, those red packets.

When I was a swinging single, I’ve called home from Thailand, Myanmar, India, Nepal and various other exotic destinations during Chinese New Year. Many people couldn’t understand why I would want to do something like that. Have I forgotten all the fun I had as a child? I guess like many other singles whose marriage was long overdue, I packed up and flew off to escape the irritating “so when are you getting married?” from my elders.

With my own family and kids now, Chinese New Year ought to be a lot more meaningful than before. Many people can’t understand why I still want to escape. Because one hand can never clap. I’m the only real Chinese at home who understands that Chinese New Year is not just about hanging red decorations. It’s not just about eating pineapple tarts, prawn rolls, love letters and kueh bangkit. It’s also about visiting, mingling, forgiving, forgetting and looking beyond the minor disputes and irritations around us.

Ironically, it is during this period that people who are either unfamiliar with the culture or who were not properly brought up would take the opportunity of reunion to rake up the past, reopen old wounds and pick fights. What is the point of hanging joyous couplets, keeping the brooms locked up or even praying to the god of fortune? To me, those are just superstitions. What really helps us prosper is to make peace with as many people who matter as possible, so we can focus on business and not fighting and grumbling.

There is no way I can impart values of even temper, tolerance, making do with less, patience and harmony when negative demonstrations fill the house. Year after year, there has been no exception. If anything, I have more reason to escape Chinese New Year now than ever before.

Happy New Year, everybody. Signing off until I come home from my trip.

Another impressive panel of “experts” was formed to help boost the economy. More enlightening advice to increase productivity. More “new” policies in the pipeline to control the flow of foreign workers. They decided that wine is good. Too much wine is bad. So what’s the plan? Increase foreign worker’s levy and keep the workers; the longer the better. Now why didn’t I think of that?

Strange world. Strange people. When billions are lost, people keep quiet. When there’s not going to be any football (don’t ask me which league, which match. I don’t watch football at all), you get angry protests from the public. This is my Singapore. The big and serious issues are discussed in hushed tones at the local coffeeshops. The petty ones get good and loud airing everywhere. Why? Because politically sensitive issues are downplayed by the media? Because football is a “safe topic” to complain about? But seriously, recreation is important.

You must either be very weird or very lucky to love your work. Even if you enjoy your work, you don’t want to be struggling to make ends meet when you’re in your 50s or 60s. But that is what’s happening in our society. Apart from a certain group of highly privileged people, we are all stressed out and struggling with all the hungry foreigners ready to take our jobs (even dentists are not safe).

At a dinner, a colleague of mine (Chinese man) joked that he wanted to send his children to India to study dentistry and then let them come back as “Indian dentists” since the chances of them getting into NUS are virtually NIL. We were put through a difficult and expensive course of study only to have foreigners coming in the “easy way”. We might as well raise our kids cheaply in a foreign country and then bring them back through the wide open doors on our shores if graduates who had gone through a much easier path (more holidays, less homework, lower school fees) are acccepted here.

Pass me another glass of wine. We might as well talk about football. Something’s got to give and drinking won’t always work. For me, it’s travel. It’s as important to me as football is to some guys. My Australian friend Lindsey who was beer-starved on an oil rig in Brunei once said that he needs beer more than he needs his wife.

Of course I wouldn’t risk the integrity of my skull by saying that, but people like my father simply cannot do without his daily yam cha sessions with his pals. Approaching 80 and after winning a battle against lymphoma 5 years ago, he is no longer worried about the big and small issues in life. He still does a bit of accounting every now and then, but sitting down with friends over a cup of tea and some tim sum is probably the most enjoyable thing for him. He doesn’t worry about whether his tim sum sessions earn him anything. He has a life and is living it as fully as he knows how.

In contrast, there are many young and stingy workholics who panic at the loss of $2 and they want to make every gathering with friends count. How many insurance policies can I sell? How many MLM downlines can I get from this outing? Which is why some people ask me what I stand to gain from my travels. How irritating. Of course I gain tremendously from these trips, but not in monetary terms. How do I explain that? Even Confucius can’t explain the four seasons to a grasshopper. Very often, I have to find excuses or highlight possibilities of finding treasures to justify a trip.

For many educated Singaporeans, a holiday means more than shopping, sleeping, watching trees grow, paint dry and catching up with the in-laws. For me, a trip without challenges and discoveries is a wasted trip. Not a real holiday.

I’m not a lazy person by any definition. In fact, I think I’m certifiably overworked and deserving of some reward. People who think I’m not working hard enough are just self-centered, inconsiderate and ignorant bozos. With so many tight and sometimes humanly impossible schedules, something’s got to give. I need to pick up my backpack and hit the dusty trails, write a story, take some nice pictures as much as football fans need to watch the World Cup, Father needs his tim sum and Lindsey needs his beer.

Yes, it should be “how would I know?” in English, but a direct translation from proper Chinese 我怎么知道?, Singaporean Hokkien: “wa mana ei zai?” or Thai : “ja roo dai yung ngai” would be “how I know?”.

Like “how would I know?”, all the remarks above are often made in indignance or denial of responsibility. Sometimes, such denial is fair. For instance:

“How would I know you would come visit me if you didn’t call beforehand?”

“How would I know there is an appointment if you didn’t tell me?”

“How would I know you were standing behind the curtain?”

“How would I know you were sleeping under the car?”

When you do things or make plans that others cannot reasonably expect to do or plan, “how would I know?” is a reasonable response from them when something undesirable or disastrous happens.

But there are also instances where “how would I know?” is unreasonable. There are too many of such examples in my daily activities and encounters. Indeed “wa mana ei zai” is not a good excuse when such things are common knowledge. Of course, we can’t know everything; not even if it’s common knowledge. When these gaps are identified, the best thing we can do is to acknowledge our lack of knowledge, learn it, remember it and move on.

Of course, issues concerning “face” and “ego” affect everyone. We all feel good when our egos are stroked. We all feel unpleasant when we are embarrassed. Such feelings are universal. Not so universal, however, is the typical response from people whose egos are bruised. In some societies, including certain levels of our own society, shocking violence may greet a person who has not show respect for someone’s “face” or “ego”. Identifying and bringing someone’s mistake or shortcoming to light is sometimes viewed as an unforgivable sin. Simply criticising someone or forcing him to admit a mistake can result in extreme violence.

When dealing with these individuals, it would be wise to just walk away when they say “how I know?” when their mistake has been pointed out. Pursuing further for an apology may result in the scene above.

On a milder yet no less extreme and unreasonable note, there are cases where the ignorant control freak decides and dictates what everyone can do or can’t do and then turns around to shirk all responsibility when it turns out that their decisions have not been that good.

“This is your plan. Your idea. Look what’s happened.”

“How I know?”

“You insisted on this and that, threatening when it’s not done according to your wishes. Look what has happened?”

“How I know?”

Huh? Shouldn’t you be listening to others and not throw tantrums at people who may know better because they have been in the business for decades?

“How I know?”

Push it at your own risk.

It’s a worrying trend. Almost every week, there would be a case of a doctor/doctors being censured. It’s usually due to the over-prescription of addictive drugs. Sometimes, it gets more “exotic” like passing off as a plastic surgeon when you’re are really a GP. It’s just the beginning of 2010 and the axes are already grinding. Bring in the lawyers and we’ll all smell blood. And the public will love it at first.

Then, they’re going to find their doctors becoming less “flexible” with prescriptions and MCs. Charges are likely to go up if the risks of getting sued or suspended see a upward trend and professional indemnity costs more.

Cost more? No way. There is only one thing that can cost more in Singapore. And if the Ministry Of Good Ideas rakes me in with a salary of $1M a year, I would gladly sabo my medical colleagues with some bright ideas and brilliant policies which will keep the public very happy.

Like I said, there is only one thing that can cost more in Singapore. It’s better to have a lion lead a herd of sheep than to have a sheep lead a pride of lions. Of course! Who is going to lead if the lions eat up their sheepish leader? If citizens are not like sheep, how are the lions ever going to grow fat? Oops! I digress. My job in the Ministry of Good Ideas is to make sure that only one thing goes up and everything else must be better and cost less. So how do we rein in the poor and desperate doctors? How do we satisfy a public that keeps thinking that the doctors earn too much? I have an idea. Let’s go to Haiti.

In the aftermath of the devastating 7.0 earthquake, there are bound to be starving survivors dying to leave this sea of decomposing dead bodies in search of a more pleasant environment. How about Singapore? To date, we have not sent anybody down there to distribute aid and supplies. Why not do something better? Why not absorb Haitian doctors and make them citizens? After that 7.0 shock, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind working from 5am to 10pm for a loaf of bread and a couple of bananas. Yes! That’s the kind of citizens we need. Hardworking and hungry. Our local doctors had better stand on their toes and put some spurs on their behinds.

Oh! And make sure the psychiatrists don’t have any weapons within easy reach.