Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

What’s your favourite item in yesterday’s NDP? The fireworks? The flypast? The aerial acrobatics? The jetskis?

I didn’t watch most of the performances after dark, but my favourite “performance”, exclusive on Channel 8, has to be the wish for “国泰平安” from members of the public who were interviewed at Marina Bay. Those of us who are not so blur will realise that it ought to be “国泰民安”. It’s such a simple and common phrase, that there is practically no excuse for saying it wrongly. Our Chinese cousins in Beijing, Taiwan and perhaps even Hongkong, must have found it a humourous, anti-climactic entertainment after all that extravagant world class display.

Our mainstream media is probably not censoring the right things. A few suggestions to avoid such embarrassing moments:

1. Interview only foreign talent from China, Taiwan. Give them a bit of money to pretend that they are Singaporeans.
2. Rehearse the replies and correct any errors before the final take.
3. Give interviewees a script to read from. Reject those who can’t read.
4. Go back to the good old days at Caldecott and dub over the “raw” replies.

Since you’re wayanging, why not just wayang all the way?

“Mistakes must be addressed and not swept under the carpet. And officers must take ownership of their mistakes and account for them. But I also assure you that how the officers responsible will be taken to task will always be fair and just.”
Mr Wong Kan Seng

Poor officers. I hope they can enjoy their National Day holiday. Yes, it’s the opening of the Beijing Olympics and we’re also one day away from our country’s 43rd birthday. It’s going to be another big and extravagant party orchestrated by the powers that be. Like at the “bird’s nest” at Beijing, security at NDP is going to be tight. I hope Mas Selamat tries to join in the party and gets captured. Good luck to our officers.

Like most of my patients, economic figures mean nothing to me. I have no cause for celebration if my rental and material costs go up while patients bargain with me because they too are not getting a much-deserved raise. It doesn’t matter if the economists tell us we’re seeing double digit growth. The Gross Happiness Index, is clearly indicated by the number of flags on the block opposite mine. Just click on the thumbnail above.

A writer by the name of Adrian Tan wrote an article to today’s Today, arguing that Singaporeans are not pragmatic where certain issues like gambling and single parenthood are concerned. I’m afraid I can’t agree with him. People object to single parenthood because it’s messy. It messes up teenage parent’s education and the underaged, unprepared grandparents may be peeing in their pants, seeing how one big bundle of costly trouble created another one. Of course they would oppose single parenthood. So will the teenagers, even though some may not realise that opposing having babies outside wedlock may not be as effective in preventing it as contraception. Adrian seems to have forgotten that morals themselves have a pragmatic lining. Throughout history, morals served a very pragmatic function of preventing messy situations and unprepared, 40-year-old grandparents.

Why are people against casinos? I guess many of us have friends and relatives who have a gambling problem. While we gamble in moderation on special occasions, they gamble from morn till dusk. If the people who object to casinos are objecting to gambling on moral grounds, should they not object to “casual, social gambling” as well? You may be surprised many of these folks may queue up to buy 4D and Toto. You may even find some of them sitting across the mahjong or poker table during Chinese New Year. The good thing is, these folks can control their urge to gamble. They are concerned about other folks (who could be their parents, uncles, siblings or even children) who can’t control their gambling habit and keep borrowing money from them. Morality or also pragmatism?

Just yesterday, I told a patient that her new crowns made her look 10 years younger. She laughed out loud and called me a magician. She also commented that dentists have a relatively easy life. She came to that conclusion while noticing that I didn’t take too much time to prepare and fit her crowns. But no, dentistry is never easy. I told her that it’s certainly not as easy as letting a captured terrorist escape or offering a reward 5 months later. Unable to stop laughing, my patient suggested that I entered politics. I told her that 2 things can happen to me depending on which side I choose. One, I can go bankrupt and do time. Two, I can have lots of money but won’t be able to sleep well at night. I’d rather vote with my feet. Perhaps this blog can get bolder once I’m safely out of Singapore’s reach.

Happy unaffiliated National Day, everyone.

I don’t eat sweets, I don’t eat pork, I don’t eat cakes and papayas. That’s how “strict” my diet is. People who know me often see me eating laksa and char kway teow. I’m not ashamed to tell them that I don’t believe in diets.

It’ easy to write a book that tells people what not to eat. I personally know a couple of authors who don’t practice what they preach. So don’t be a sucker and believe everything you read in their books. I just won’t tell you who the authors are. If they ever find out that I’ve blown their cover, I can forget about getting a free Peking duck meal from them.

For gimmicky suppliers of lousy dental products who don’t know how to stuff my mouth with Peking duck, I would not hesitate to tell my patients that their products suck. 20 years after graduation, I’m one mean old dentist who has been there, done it and bought a lot of products that suck when they are not supposed to. Back from a one-week “stint” in the army, my fingers are itching for a bit amateur journalism. In the following weeks, fans of my website will be able to see updates on tooth whitening scams propagated by companies that have paid good money to talented maketing people who can tell convincing lies.

Back to the topic on dieting, health and fitness, I didn’t do too badly for my IPPT at the end of my short incamp. Some soldiers panicked when I overtook them. In their 20s and 30s, they figured thet if a 44-year-old “uncle” overtook them in the 2.4km run, they’d better buck up if he didn’t want to fail the test. There are quite a number of people out there who want to know my secret. They know that I’m a very busy “uncle” running a town practice and generating original content for websites. They also know that I love laksa, potato chips, peking duck and vodka. So how do I keep fit when I’m so busy and “sinful” with regards to dietary restraints?

Wait for my book.