Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

About 5 years ago when my Nepalese friend Jyoti bought his apartment in Kathmandu, he got it for about USD5000. Those were turbulent days for Nepal. Heavily dependent on tourism, the Maoists rebels (conveniently branded as terrorists by the government back then) did little to reassure tourists that acute mountain sickness and toxic local moonshine were the only things they had to worry about. Times were bad for many operators. The economy was in shambles and if there was ever a maverick to suggest making investments in the troubled, backward Himalayan kingdom, he would be certainly be mocked by people from every corner of the globe ranging from Lehman minibonds investors to Shincorp shareholders.

Back then, Singapore was crippled by SARS while Thailand’s most unconventional Prime Minister shocked and awed the world by whipping the ailing economic tiger back to life. With a prompt return of IMF loans, a proud roar could be heard in this part of the world. Thailand is not just back in business. Funds were channelled into new areas which yielded surprising returns. Generations of crippling, delusionary norms, mindsets and standard practices were about to be cremated. Like many people, I was rather excited.

Alas, the movement did not last. Funds and focus were quickly diverted back to their traditional abode. The old pathways to success, often out of reach to the common people, were reinstalled. Once so clearly the next big thing in the early 2000s, those who invested courageously in Thailand during those days are now not better off than the crowds at Hong Lim Park.

But just as Nepal has not been moving in sync with the rest of the world for a few centuries, the current financial storm that has been raging throughout the world may not have quite the same effect on a land where you can travel forward and backward in time within the same day. The Maoists are no longer fighting the government. They are now the government. Still in an idealistic mood, they are managing better than the blatantly corrupt, totally useless politicians they replaced. No guns and bullets were used to rid Nepal of its monarchy. I’m not aware of anyone shedding tears when the palace was vacated.

In spite of all the rubbish choking up the streets, the 16 hour power cuts (due to an infrastructure that lags way behind growth in consumption), Jyoti’s apartment is now wanted for 100 times its purchase price. I would be ashamed to tell him how much the value of my property in Chiangmai has dropped. But I’m not jealous of Jyoti. I’m proud of him and I will certainly recommend people to his new hotel. I stayed in one of his very nice suites. It’s not 5-star by Singapore standards, but it was certainly one of the best I’ve seen in Kathmandu. I could have brought my laptop and made use of the wireless internet. I brought my 3G mobile and was able to SMS even in the Everest region. Porters are still carrying monstrous loads, but they now have their mp3 players to entertain them while they worked.

Last year was the best year that Jyoti ever had. A lot of the business came from Tibet. Noways, touts no longer konichiwa me. They ni hao me. Affluent mainland tourists are now entering Nepal from Tibet. Familiar Westerners are making multiple return trips. In spite of the pollution, the beggars, the stray dogs (much fewer cows this time), the mountains of garbage on the streets, the chaotic traffic, escalating room rates and transport costs, tourists just kept pouring into the Kathmandu Valley. Like the unexpected ways our investments turn out, some booms and busts just can’t be explained by economic theories.

Yes, I’ll be off for a well-deserved break soon. I haven’t had a really good one for almost 3 years. Some people are surprised that I keep going back to the same place. Don’t I get tired of Nepal? Well, I guess if you get tired of a place for long enough, you’ll eventually miss it. Who wouldn’t miss Tengboche Gompa (monastery) and its breath-taking surroundings? Who wouldn’t miss the proud yet friendly Sherpa people? Mountain food is not quite the type of cuisine I would crave for, but sitting around a fire with virtual strangers, sharing a kettle of heated chang (Tibetan beer) is the sort of “spiritual” experience that you don’t get too often.

A last check with the weather forecast at Everest Base Camp region reported sunny weather with a maximum of -3deg C and a minimum of -14deg C on the 21st of January when I would start my trek to Island Peak (just south of Everest). The coldest days seem to have passed and summit day (26th or 27th) would probably be a couple of degrees warmer. The best part? Clear sunny skies - best for mountain photography. A friend of mine who was disappointed with the not-cold-enough weather in Northern Thailand last month would probably be very happy here.

As I’m packing, my calf muscles are still aching from my final and most intensive training session on the stairs. Going up the stairs is not a problem, but descending with a notebook computer in my bag is still painful. I have exactly 3 days to recover from Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS) before I need to make a long, rocky descent from Lukla Airport to Phakding.

Packing for an expedition is never easy. I’m bring 3 packs. One near-empty one would be my shopping bag. You’ll never know what you have forgotten or what you shouldn’t have brought until you’re there. Once in the mountains, turning back means giving up. With the benefit of experience, I now know I should have a backup camera, all loaded with lithium batteries. I know I should have lots of chocolates, dried fruit, Mentos, nuts and probably even a bottle of sambal belachan when the food gets yucky and some masking becomes necessary. Medicines I’ll get from the pharmacy in Kathmandu would include Diamox (acetazolamide), cough mixture, Piriton, Lomotil … the the all important Metronidazole (to fight the stomach-bloating anaerobes) will be brought from Singapore since I already keep stock of it here.

Top on my list of concerns has to be Acute Mountain Sickness (AMS). It’s not a problem if I ascend at the recommended speed and spread out my advance over 18 days, but this is not the kind of time that most Singaporeans can afford (except those who got retrenched). Climbing too quickly will trigger AMS, the milder symptoms of which will include headache and nausea. If the climber is prone to AMS or climbs too quickly without acclimatisation, symptoms will deteriorate to cerebral and pulmonary oedema.

To ascend quickly and safely, cheapskate me had designed a homemade hypoxicator. It’s basically a rebreathing apparatus that keeps lowering the oxygen content of inspired air and forcing the user to rebreathe his expired air. To avoid carbon dioxide induced hyperventilation and acidosis, sodium hydroxide is used to absorb the carbon dioxide in expired air.

As the body detects lower oxygen content on the air, it will respond by producing more red blood cells. That’s how the body acclimatises to high altitude. But simulating high altitude at home, I’m trying to cut down the amount of time required for acclimatisation in the mountains. Does this thing work? My success or failure to do this climb at “Sherpa speed” (as fast as the locals) will give the answer. I’m as excited as everybody who knows about my upcoming challenge.

I mentioned something about my near-empty bag. What shall I buy? Definitely some rare books, black tea, some spices and some Himalayan herbs. Maybe a few Buddhist artifacts that are worth collecting. I’m off.

I had a nightmare.

I was a 70-year-old taxi driver who lost his licence recently. I went to a hardware store to buy a bottle of thinner for the paint I was about to use on my metal door and suddenly, the entire police force and civil defence force descended on me. Ah !!

I woke up. Drenched in what I thought was sweat, but later realised that my son who was leeping next to me had wet his bed again.

Just when you think it’s enough to be able to duck from a shoe thrown at you when you’re not a very well-liked leader, the flames of anger engulf you in an attempt to give you a premature cremation before you can even threaten the attacker with life imprisonment. The moral of the story? Don’t play with fire, but Ah Pek is no kid with a bright future ready to go up in smoke. He is 70 years old and has nothing to lose. Maybe our shoe-throwing journalist was thinking that his shoes would not give him more trouble than he can handle. There are of course, safer, albeit less interactive ways to give Bush what his karma is worth.

What’s next? Or rather, who is next? The first sensational MRT track suicide was followed by several others. Those of us with a bit of imagination and a lot of cynicism will probably be able to predict more daring attacks on MPs by foolhardy or even suicidal individuals who aren’t too concerned about life imprisonment.

This is worrying. Bodyguards have been ruled out. Our MPs must get close enough to the people to shake hands and distribute ang paos. With our MPs so used to winning elections without even a bruised ego, would dangerous, life-threatening situations like these frighten them from serving the public? Is it time to review the salaries of our top civil servants, MPs and ministers? Would we need to attract them with salaries comparable to that of Hollywood stuntmen? At the next parliamentary session, we may hear a proposal to benchmark our ministers’ pay to say, Jackie Chan’s.

I wonder how many plates of char kway teow that would be. 8.5% GST?

Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi has a secret to share. She uses a certain brand of “pure mineral powder foundation” that has been “clinically proven” to increase radiance and “luminosity” by 36% (I wouldn’t want luminous skin, especially if I want to sneak out at night). But wait a minute. That may be the secret that Zhang Ziyi intends to share with everybody, but that’s not the secret about Zhang Ziyi that everybody knows.

What everyone knows, is that Zhang went to the Caribbean island of St Barts with her fiance, Israeli investor Vivi Nevo. The star of the Hollywood film Memoirs Of A Geisha was shown taking off her red bikini and lying face down, with her buttocks exposed. Nevo was shown stroking and nuzzling her buttocks. Zhang was also shot lying on her back, with her breasts clearly revealed. There were also less revealing pictures of her strolling along the beach with Nevo, who reportedly has a private beach on the island.

Not surprisingly, back home in China, Zhang was slammed by netizens for being a shameless exhibitionist. Some even accused her of bringing shame to China and staging the shoot to generate publicity for herself.

‘What a disgrace to the Chinese people,’ said one moralist.

Ei, you jealous is it? At least when Zhang Ziyi is taking off her bikini off-stage, millions of people want to watch. And how could she have disgraced the Chinese people? These noisy folks should really try to get a foreigner to kiss their ass - if they can. 章子怡绝对没有丢中国人的脸。反而是老外的脸贴在她屁股上。Staged publicity stunt or a victim of voyeurism, shouldn’t we appreciate her “sacrifice” and quickly turn our angry attention back to the evil folks who put melamine into milk powder? Hmm … maybe there’s more to Zhang’s little “sacrifice” than meets the eye.

OK, let’s fly back less juicy Singapore and look at our poor Singapore Flyer which is undergoing “annual maintenance” according to what some tour guides have been telling our smiling foreign visitors who already knew all about it. There has been another breach of confidentiality here. Apparently, the sudden resignation of general manager Steven Yeo is supposed to be a hush hush matter. How did the press learn about it before a formal press conference was held? Fishy, but who cares? To let everyone know how seriously they take such premature annoucements, the Flyer’s management had made a police report. I can see people smiling again.

The next thing we learn about, is that a 3-man “Executive Committee” comprising former MP Chng Hee Kok, NTUC Club Investments’ ex-GM Shirley Leow and Adval Brand Group MD Patsy Ong are now in charge. Poor Mr Steven Yeo was said to have tendered his resignation when he saw “officialdom” descending upon him. Yet, their spokesman insisted that the the takeover …. oops, I mean … the new committee was decided on since 23rd Dec 2008.

With this new committee in place, we can certainly look forward to safer and more efficient and trouble-free days for our Flyer. Stoppages will not be announced prematurely and the Civil Defence will probably respond faster. Perhaps they should also include some retired brigadier general from the Civil Defence in the Executive Committee.