Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

So what’s new? Singaporeans are getting more religious and this is worrying our leaders. I don’t blame them, but is this a recent problem or was it better in the past? I don’t think so.

I remember my Primary 2 form teacher Mrs Chua who was preached and proselytised in class. Being the 8-year-olds that we were back then, we had no idea what the school sylllabus was. Nevertheless, I had a vague idea that we were not supposed to be singing Christian songs and listening to bible stories all the time. There were even 2 Malay boys in my class, Supratna and Aziz. They were usually quite lost when the class was singing, but Mrs Chua didn’t bother with them.

What really made me lose all respect for Mrs Chua was her blatant favouritism towards my classmates who were Christians. They had all kinds of perks and privileges like drink coupons on sports day, little gifts and individual attention with their schoolwork.

I became rebellious and never passed a single test given by Mrs Chua. She used to tell me what a useless kid I was, how I was going to grow up a criminal, how Jesus was not going to forgive me and let me burn in hell. I guess people who know me well should have figured that I wasn’t frightened by all those threats even though I was only 8. Instead, the tougher Mrs Chua’s stance became, the more stubbornly unChristian I got.

I wonder where Mrs Chua is now. It’s not that I’m seeking revenge. I just want her to see that her least favourite student is not doing too badly now. Perhaps God is forgiving me for not believing in Him.

Happily, teachers like Mrs Chua will not be able to do what she has done in today’s schools. Whether we’ve become more religious or not, teachers today are better trained and more aware of student sensitivities in the classroom. When I told my parents about Mrs Chua’s proselytising in class, they just told me to shut up and pay attention to the other things she taught.

Today’s parents would shoot a letter to MOH. Why should we be so worried when communal politics is monopolised by one party? Why should we be worried when there are ears in every church and temple, ready to report on any deviant and politically motivated sermon? Yes, the AWARE saga was broadcast a bit too “loudly”, but from a secular point of view, the results were favourable. Somehow, the folks at AWARE are more assertive than the folks who bought minibonds who can’t hold a candle to their conterparts in very assertive Hongkong. The only “worrying” thing for any management or leadership, is the love for freedom and the strong conviction of the majority. Carrots and sticks may not be so effective in the next elections.

The strangest patients I’ve met are those think that I should give them a discount for insulting me. Do people not realise that if they want a discount, they should at least say something nice to the one who is in the position to give them a discount? Flattery may not work all the time, but being nice is the necessary first step to getting a discount.

My friend Uncle George recently posted me a YouTube video. I realised that there are good places where one can get very cheap dental treatment. Perhaps that’s where I should refer some of my troublesome patients.

Many companies that provide services have taglines. Some are catchy pieces of advice like:

“Don’t leave home without it”

“Just do it”.

Some are boasts like

“The ultimate driving machine”
“The happiest place on earth”
“The world’s favourite airline”

Others are promises, pledges or guarantees if you will.

“Melts in your mouth, not in your hands”

“When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight”

The problem with such promises is that it’s not always easy to live up to them. For the cosmetic dentist who dares to call himself a cosmetic dentist, patients can expect miracles. Take the example of lady who walked into my clinic recently. She had a terrible looking bridge. I’m always happy to see such cases because it’s so easy to make an improvement.

Not so in this case. After numerous waxups and trials of provisional bridges, she was still not satisfied. She started pointing out ways in which her new bridge differed from her old, ugly bridge as if she was suddenly missing the ugly old bridge. Nightmare. Numerous things to change, numerous times, they were changed back because the changes asked for were just not right. It’s too late to re-access the psychological profile of the patient and the patient, from her point of view, must be wondering if I’m really good enough dedicate myself to cosmetic dentistry. Why do other cases look so perfect in other people’s mouths but not in hers? Shouldn’t I be treating my patient’s equally?

In despair, I sought help from a great man. In a recent speech he made, I learned something important. Cosmetic dentistry is an aspiration and not an ideology. It’s going to take decades or even centuries to reach such goals. Equal treatment for all cases is false and flawed, and completely untrue.

Some people may not believe that these words came from a great man, but what are great words but words that cannot be challenged. Obviously, I lack such greatness and must therefore continue adjusting that stupid bridge.

Health in Algeria, according to information from a March 6, 2006 United States report, does not compare well with the developed world. Algeria has inadequate numbers of physicians (one per 1,000 people) and hospital beds (2.1 per 1,000 people) and poor access to water (87 percent of the population) and sanitation (92 percent of the population). Given Algeria’s young population, policy favors preventive health care and clinics over hospitals. In keeping with this policy, the government maintains an immunization program. However, poor sanitation and unclean water still cause tuberculosis, hepatitis, measles, typhoid fever, cholera, and dysentery. In 2003 about 0.10 percent of the population aged 15–49 was living with human immunodeficiency virus/acquired immune deficiency syndrome (HIV/AIDS). The poor generally receive health care free of charge, but the wealthy pay for care according to a sliding scale. Access to health care is enhanced by the requirement that doctors and dentists work in public health for at least five years. However, doctors are more easily found in the cities of the north than in the southern Sahara region.

Describe your experience giving birth there. What type of facility did you go to? What (if any) type of pain management did you use? How long did you stay in the hospital? Was it a positive experience? Etc…



“Well, all I can say is horrible. No pain managment at all, filthy conditions…had to take my own bedding with me. You have to wait with other women in a waiting area to be processed. Lots of women screaming in pain while waiting. Then you are taken to a room full of other women giving birth. They can see you and you them. You have nurses come and hold you down by your shoulders and legs to stop you moving and then a doctors pushes down on your stomach and rolls his arms along you stomach to push the baby out. Then, you are transfered onto a bed with blood all over it from the women who was there before you then you are put into a room with blood soaked bedding, coachroaches as big as houses, no water to wash your baby or yourself as they don’t do it and even if you go private. If there is a problem with the birth you are sent back to the public hospital as cannot deal with emergencies.”

Let us all give a very big salute to our fellow citizens who are roughing it out in Algeria.

I was dozing off while watching the news last night. I wasn’t paying much attention to stories being reported but vaguely, I heard somebody say: “We need immigrants to make up for the children we are not having. That’s a very hard fact of life. Between age 25 and 40, more than 30 per cent are unmarried – that means single and childless.

“Without immigration, the ageing problem will be too heavy a burden for the young.”

Straight after that sentence, I dozed off completely. I was in dreamland, or more precisely, on a dream island, sitting on a beach chair, sipping my favourite Gentleman Jack from Duty Free Shop (the one in Singapore and not in Bangkok, of course). A couple of Balinese ladies were fanning me, one from the front and one from the back as one Thai lady massaged my shoulders while the other massaged my feet. The third Thai lady held that glass of Gentleman Jack to my lips.

How about that for retirement? And who is paying for all this? All our young, virile and hardworking immigrants! Yes, these folks who are making up for the children we’re not having. These folks without whom we can never do because without immigration, the ageing problem will be too heavy a burden for the young. My own 2 kids would never be able to afford the 2 Balinese ladies, let alone the 3 Thai ladies and the Gentleman Jack.

How wonderful it would be if we can import lots of young, virile individuals who are willing to work their asses off to keep my Gentleman Jack flowing.

Then, I jolted. The third Thai lady turned out to be my wife and the other other ladies all disappeared. No beach. No massage. No fanning. Just a grumpy wife throwing a stack of bills in front of me. Outside my office at Lucky Plaza, the remittance offices were seeing long queues of young and virile foreigners, sending money back to their real homes.

More on dozing off and dreaming after I watch the National Day Rally.