Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

In his will, Ho Chi Minh stated quite clearly that he wished to be cremated and have his ashes scattered in the hills of north, central, and southern Vietnam. It’s interesting to note that in spite of the deep respect that the powers that be seem to have for President Ho, they went against the hero’s wishes and built a mausoluem to house his preserved body.

The main structure, sitting on a parade square, is 21.6 metres high and 41.2 metres wide. Flanking the mausoleum are two platforms with seven steps for parade viewing. The plaza in front of the mausoleum is divided into 240 green squares separated by pathways. The gardens surrounding the mausoleum have nearly 250 different species of plants and flowers, all from different regions of Vietnam.

From a distance, the parade square looks interesting enough, but don’t ever try to get in from the numerous pathways. They are all guarded by whistle-blowing policemen. There are many ways by which you may leave the compound, but there is only one way to get in. No, it’s totally free and they are not afraid of visitors entering without paying. The most fundamental ruling here, is that you must pay your respect to Ho Chi Minh’s embalmed body before you can explore the other parts of the mausoleum.

Hence, even though there are numerous pathways leading to the mausoleum and no fences or signs saying that you can’t get in that way, you can be sure a whistle will be blown at you if you try to get in without first clearing security.

1. No bags allowed.
2. No cameras
3. No shorts or short skirts
4. No smoking
5. No hats

At the only dedicated entrance, you must join a long queue of Vietnamese and curious and probably unsuspecting foreigners. After going through airport-like security screening, you surrender you camera and bag. These will be treated as checked in luggage. Once you begin your “journey” into the mausoleum, two by two like school children, the checked in cameras and bags will be transported to the exit where you’ll collect them. Everybody was understandably uneasy about it. Would they lose their bags or cameras?

Depending on the crowd, you may have to stand for hours on the “parade square” before entering the air-con mausoleum. As you approach the red vinyl “carpet”, further regulations come into force.

1. No talking.
2. No hands in the pockets.

Every few metres, there would be a soldier in white to make sure that you obey those regulations. Ho Chi Minh’s body is housed in a glass coffin in a darkened room. His body is illuminated by a couple of spotlights. Visitors walk anti-clockwise around the body and then exit the mausoleum proper. The surrendered cameras are waiting at the exit. They are transported there from the entrance with perfect timing. If only Vietnamese airports could be so efficient.

Once out of the mausoleum, you are free to take pictures - that is provided you don’t get too close to the folks who are just about to enter the mausoleum. Try taking their picture and some grouchy policeman will shout at you. I’m sure we all respect and admire Ho Chi Minh. Do the keepers of the mausoleum need to go to such lengths to impose and ensure that respect? But then again, such practices are not unique to Vietnam and nobody needs to be surprised.

It was a misty, chilly morning, 14deg C with a light breeze that made it seem colder. As I left the mausoleum with a lot more freedom to choose my path of exit than my path of entry, I couldn’t help noticing the glare of the huge communist slogans hanging on either side of the mausoleum. Equally glaring were the red flags with yellow sickles flapping in the wind. Looking through the mist, I caught a glimpse of what is really enshrined here.

Thankfully, the majority of modern, thinking Vietnamese only pay lip service to ideologies which liberated them from French rule. On the streets, the cars and motorbikes choose their own paths of entry and exit.

Translations/interpretations:

Friendliness is conducive to business success.; Amiability attracts riches.; An even temper brings wealth.; Good-naturedness is a source of wealth; Harmony brings wealth.; Peace breeds wealth.

A even temper brings wealth. This is my favourite. It doesn’t matter if some ignorant, impulsive, impatient and bad tempered brats don’t believe in it. The key to business success is not really “smartness” but good and bold strategy, hardwork, discipline, patience and an even temper. These beliefs are part and parcel of Chinese culture, especially during Chinese New Year.

During this festive season, there is plenty of buying and selling, cleaning and renewing. Demand for goodies like seafood, meat, vegetables go up. Prices follow suit. Schedules may get disrupted as people postpone major undertakings to after the new year. Along with all that, comes a bit of stress. But the party is about to start. We cast our worries aside, put on our finest attire and behaviour and greet the new year with a big smile.

When I was a kid, I was often admonished not to speak of anything negative during Chinese New Year. It doesn’t mean that we bury our heads in the sand. It simply means that we don’t spoil the festive mood which we remembered so well as kids. And I really enjoyed my Chinese New Year back then. All the sweets and good food. Catching up with relatives and friends. And of course, those red packets.

When I was a swinging single, I’ve called home from Thailand, Myanmar, India, Nepal and various other exotic destinations during Chinese New Year. Many people couldn’t understand why I would want to do something like that. Have I forgotten all the fun I had as a child? I guess like many other singles whose marriage was long overdue, I packed up and flew off to escape the irritating “so when are you getting married?” from my elders.

With my own family and kids now, Chinese New Year ought to be a lot more meaningful than before. Many people can’t understand why I still want to escape. Because one hand can never clap. I’m the only real Chinese at home who understands that Chinese New Year is not just about hanging red decorations. It’s not just about eating pineapple tarts, prawn rolls, love letters and kueh bangkit. It’s also about visiting, mingling, forgiving, forgetting and looking beyond the minor disputes and irritations around us.

Ironically, it is during this period that people who are either unfamiliar with the culture or who were not properly brought up would take the opportunity of reunion to rake up the past, reopen old wounds and pick fights. What is the point of hanging joyous couplets, keeping the brooms locked up or even praying to the god of fortune? To me, those are just superstitions. What really helps us prosper is to make peace with as many people who matter as possible, so we can focus on business and not fighting and grumbling.

There is no way I can impart values of even temper, tolerance, making do with less, patience and harmony when negative demonstrations fill the house. Year after year, there has been no exception. If anything, I have more reason to escape Chinese New Year now than ever before.

Happy New Year, everybody. Signing off until I come home from my trip.

Another impressive panel of “experts” was formed to help boost the economy. More enlightening advice to increase productivity. More “new” policies in the pipeline to control the flow of foreign workers. They decided that wine is good. Too much wine is bad. So what’s the plan? Increase foreign worker’s levy and keep the workers; the longer the better. Now why didn’t I think of that?

Strange world. Strange people. When billions are lost, people keep quiet. When there’s not going to be any football (don’t ask me which league, which match. I don’t watch football at all), you get angry protests from the public. This is my Singapore. The big and serious issues are discussed in hushed tones at the local coffeeshops. The petty ones get good and loud airing everywhere. Why? Because politically sensitive issues are downplayed by the media? Because football is a “safe topic” to complain about? But seriously, recreation is important.

You must either be very weird or very lucky to love your work. Even if you enjoy your work, you don’t want to be struggling to make ends meet when you’re in your 50s or 60s. But that is what’s happening in our society. Apart from a certain group of highly privileged people, we are all stressed out and struggling with all the hungry foreigners ready to take our jobs (even dentists are not safe).

At a dinner, a colleague of mine (Chinese man) joked that he wanted to send his children to India to study dentistry and then let them come back as “Indian dentists” since the chances of them getting into NUS are virtually NIL. We were put through a difficult and expensive course of study only to have foreigners coming in the “easy way”. We might as well raise our kids cheaply in a foreign country and then bring them back through the wide open doors on our shores if graduates who had gone through a much easier path (more holidays, less homework, lower school fees) are acccepted here.

Pass me another glass of wine. We might as well talk about football. Something’s got to give and drinking won’t always work. For me, it’s travel. It’s as important to me as football is to some guys. My Australian friend Lindsey who was beer-starved on an oil rig in Brunei once said that he needs beer more than he needs his wife.

Of course I wouldn’t risk the integrity of my skull by saying that, but people like my father simply cannot do without his daily yam cha sessions with his pals. Approaching 80 and after winning a battle against lymphoma 5 years ago, he is no longer worried about the big and small issues in life. He still does a bit of accounting every now and then, but sitting down with friends over a cup of tea and some tim sum is probably the most enjoyable thing for him. He doesn’t worry about whether his tim sum sessions earn him anything. He has a life and is living it as fully as he knows how.

In contrast, there are many young and stingy workholics who panic at the loss of $2 and they want to make every gathering with friends count. How many insurance policies can I sell? How many MLM downlines can I get from this outing? Which is why some people ask me what I stand to gain from my travels. How irritating. Of course I gain tremendously from these trips, but not in monetary terms. How do I explain that? Even Confucius can’t explain the four seasons to a grasshopper. Very often, I have to find excuses or highlight possibilities of finding treasures to justify a trip.

For many educated Singaporeans, a holiday means more than shopping, sleeping, watching trees grow, paint dry and catching up with the in-laws. For me, a trip without challenges and discoveries is a wasted trip. Not a real holiday.

I’m not a lazy person by any definition. In fact, I think I’m certifiably overworked and deserving of some reward. People who think I’m not working hard enough are just self-centered, inconsiderate and ignorant bozos. With so many tight and sometimes humanly impossible schedules, something’s got to give. I need to pick up my backpack and hit the dusty trails, write a story, take some nice pictures as much as football fans need to watch the World Cup, Father needs his tim sum and Lindsey needs his beer.