Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

Oh no! I lost US$28 Billion! That 30% of my assets in Dreamland! You may have guessed, I’ve never had that kind of money. It was just a nightmare. But my wife was furious. I had to duck from every saucer in the kitchen flying at me. Even my kids and the maid were not talking to me. Of course I could still afford to pay my maid and buy toys for the kids, but losing that kind of money is just disgusting.

Desperate, I sought help from my father-in-law who managed to convince everyone that my investments were sound and long term. To restore confidence, I had to get an expert to handle my finances. My father-in-law found a consultant who was known for bringing companies struggling in ICU back on their feet.

Everyone at home from my wife to the goldfish was smiling. Mr Expert would make me a filthy rich billionaire once again. But then, all of a sudden, Mr Expert left. Everyone looked at me in utter disbelief. One moment, Mr Expert was about to take over the rudder and pilot us out of this economic storm. The next moment, he’s gone and all I could do was grin at everyone.

Wife: “You #$%$! You chased Mr Expert away because he made you swallow a bitter pill, right?

Me (still grinning): “No way. Look. I have a picture of Mr Expert smiling and shaking hands with me at the airport. It was an amicable conclusion. Mr Expert won’t take over the management of my finances due to differences in strategy.”

Wife: “What the hell is “differences in strategy”? You’re supposed to take expert advice from him. I heard that you refused to come clean with him and give him full authority to manage your money.”

Me (still grinning): “There’s been a lot of speculation, which I look at sometimes with irritation and sometimes with amusement.”

Slap! My wife wasn’t amused. I guess I would only dare say such things in the face of angry stakeholders in a dream.

And so I woke up with a grin on my face. Unless that dream comes back to me again one of these nights, I may never know for sure what made Mr Expert leave. Not a big deal as I probably will never need to explain how I lost that imaginary US$28 billion.

In a few days’ time, I’ll be celebrating National Day in - Thailand. I’m not particularly fond of going to Bangkok this time of the year, but the ticket was going for a song. Let’s see how my first monsoon trek in Kanchanburi will turn out. I’d Definitely need lots of mosquito coils. Earlier last month, I met a couple from Kanchanaburi who were in Singapore to attend a wedding. They are fans of Master Chan, a fellow tenant at Lucky Plaza running the Mind Retreat Corner - a massage therapy service. Over dinner, they boasted to me that Tong Pha Phum near Kanchanaburi has the most beautiful forests in Thailand. I decided to visit them.

On the 26th of last month, I connected with Thaksin Shinawatra on Facebook and wrote Happy Birthday on his wall. He has been updating his contacts on his daily activities. Mostly mundane stuff except that he had just invested in a diamond mine in Africa. To the reporters, he predicted that the Democrat government will collapse in 6 months. Methinks that may come sooner.

Looking at the way the PAD “helps” the government make decisions these days, it will only be a matter of time that the Democrats will lose their patience and we’ll be awarded an exciting 3-cornered fight on the streets of Bangkok.

I’m not sure if the PAD will lose enough power to make it a safe return for Thaksin, but if things turn out in his favour, my Sin-Thai Village plans will be back on track.