I have a friend who slashed her wrists when her boyfriend left her. She survived the ordeal, took a couple of years to get over the emotional trauma and moved on. She is now a happy mother of 2 beautiful kids. So what was going on in her mind when she slashed her wrists? She thought she had no hope and no meaning left in life. It’s the same with another friend who swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills when his girlfriend left him. He survived, graduated from the university in which he is now a professor.
It’s easy to laugh at these seemingly intelligent people who almost succeeded in making the biggest mistake of their lives. If only they could see through the fog of depression and realise that their hopelessness was due entirely to a choice they’ve made. Yes, choices which also means options. It’s just a wrong choice that screwed them up. Being sensitive humans, we will take some time to recover from it. When we do, it’s time to get rational, make another choice and move on.
But sometimes, it’s the lack of choices that make people do the right thing. Consider the case of 2 patients of mine, both in their stubborn 60s and both needed dentures. When he got his new dentures, he refused to wear them. They complained to me about how much they hurt and I felt really bad that I couldn’t persuade him to try out the new denture for a couple of weeks and get used to it. The lady was similarly not wearing her new dentures – not that they hurt or anything like that, but she complained that they felt awkward.
Then, a couple of days ago, I bumped into him in the toilet. He was wearing his new dentures! Why? Did a miracle happen? Well, kind of. He lost his old dentures and had no choice but to wear his new ones. True enough, he adapted to them. A few days later, I saw her at my clinic. She was also wearing her new dentures which she found to look so much better than her old, stained and wornout set. Another miracle? Yes. She lost her dentures too.
There is no panacea and neither is there any absolute poison in this world. Sometimes, people get better when we show or give them choices. Sometimes, people fare better when we deprive them of choices.
And going by the long queues at some bak gua stalls these days, it would seem as if there are no better choices. I’ve often wondered if these people enjoyed queuing. Who would queue for hours just for bak gua? Not a fair comment, I guess. I don’t eat bak gua.
