Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

With only 20 minutes for lunch, foreign talent, Ong Boh Nao had some tim Sum at a food court. It turned out to be a bad experience. The har gao prawns were mushy and the siew mai had a stale, unpleasant smell. After running out of expletives, Boh Nao swore that he would never eat at a food court or coffeeshop again.

That weekend, he visited Cut Throat Restaurant for a dim sum feast. It was really good stuff. The Hongkong chefs created gorgeous works of art on the plates. He also had some lobster char kway teow, chye tau kway with XO sauce and kaya toast with gold dust sprinkled on it. He couldn’t quite taste the gold dust, but the pure extravagance charmed his taste buds so much that he was willing to pay $200 for a meal. Mr Ong was still licking his fingers when he was walking to the carpark.

Unfortunately for Mr Ong, the economy took a downturn and his company was on the verge of closing down. Mr Ong took a massive paycut. He had to sell his BMW, buy a Honda and move into an rented HDB apartment. He could still afford a meal at Cut Throat restaurant once a month, but most of the time, he would have to eat the lousy tim sum at the hawker centres.

One day, he met his former subordinate at the hawker centre.

“So surprised to see you here, Mr Ong.” his former subordinate remarked.

“What to do? Times are bad. I really miss the tim sum at Cut Throat Restaurant, but have to settle for this trash at the hawker centre.”

“But … Mr Ong,” said the former subordinate. “We don’t normally order tim sum at hawker centres. We know that it sucks.”

“So what do you eat at hawker centres?” asked Ong Boh Nao, puzzled.

“Fishball noodles, char kway teow, Hokkien mee and chye tau kway.” replied the ex-subordinate. “Tim sum is restaurant food. We order it when we visit the restaurant. By the same token, we wouldn’t order char kway teow in a restaurant. It would be overpriced and probably not even as good as that at the hawker centre! Here. Try some chye tau kway that I’ve ordered. Nothing much in there. Not even XO sauce, but it tastes great.”

“You’re right!” exclaimed Mr Ong after he has tried his chye tau kway without XO sauce. “Hawker food is supposed to be simple but tasty. Adding gold dust and XO sauce creates arbitrary value to cheat suckers like me. Come to think of it, you don’t need lobster in your char kway teow. In fact, it tastes even better with hum.”

So what’s new? Lim Heem Wei became the first gymnast from Singapore to qualify for the Olympic Games and only one of two from South-east Asia who have confirmed their places in London. Wait a minute. Lim Heem Wei? Not Lin Zhongqian, Zhang Lu, Chen Ping or Wang Badan? Congratulations from a fellow Singaporean. Now this is one Olympic event worth watching apart from table tennis.

Of course, let’s not forget our heroes in the Paralympics too. Remember swimmer Yip Pin Xiu and rider Laurentia Tan?

Finally, the proposals on ministerial pay will be “debated” in Parliament on Monday. Previously, I’ve said that the committee has done a good job and it’s a good “first step” in drawing up ministerial salaries that won’t look so obscene whether from a domestic or international viewpoint. But then, many members of the public and the opposition voiced a similar concern. This may be a “final cut” before things start going up. If that happens, the the first and final cut must be set quite low.

Curiously, the opinion of that prof from SMU is still being sought! In his usual condescending tone, he said that perhaps “there is too much of a focus at this point among Singaporeans on the price tag, rather than looking at the value of a good government, made up of talented and committed Singaporeans”.

Huh? Yao mo gao chor ah, Prof. If it’s only the value that is important, then why the high price tag? The whole argument is based on the fact that the public does not agree that you need a high price tag to attract value in public service. I’m glad that my kids are unlikely to qualify for SMU.

And talking about education, Dr Denisa Kera, the co-founder of Secret Cooks Club, which made headlines last year when they organised a dinner eating sushi off a naked woman has apologised to her neighbours. You can read more about it over here. But lecturers (who teach mature adults) throwing wild parties ought to be the least of my concerns. We should perhaps be more wary of teachers of teens who quietly sms them for some sexual tryst.

Yes, teachers are getting younger and the teens are maturing faster. Will the right and wrong of it start to shift? Or are we sticking to the guidelines just to make everyone feel that at least something is done to stem or deter “inappropriate” relationships? We live in a highly complex and “inconvenient” age. So let us deal with things conveniently by branding, labelling and condemning.

Once upon a time, a man by the name of Lee Mian Koon decided to go for a more positive experience on the train by avoiding peak hours. It has been announced that commuters who take the train during the shoulder-peak periods on weekdays – between 6.30am and 7.30am as well as between 8.30am and 9.30am – will get carrots as rewards.

Now, besides hating to squeeze on the train, Mr Lee is also very fond of carrots. So he decided to take the train between 6.30am and 7.30am. It takes Mr Lee only 30 minutes to arrive at his workplace and the office opens at 9.00am. So he slept an hour less, work up early and after hopping on the train, reached his office at 8.00am.

The doors were still shut. He decided to have breakfast at a nearby coffeeshop. Mr Lee was delighted. He seldom had the chance to sit down and enjoy his breakfast without any sense of urgency. But while leisurely and happily enjoying his breakfast, he dozed off and dipped his nose in a saucer of soft-boiled egg. By the end of the week, Mr Lee Mian Koon was seeing rings around his eyes and making costly mistakes at work.

So he decided to go for the next shoulder period between 8.30am and 9.30am. He slept a little longer, started his train journey at 8.30am and arrived at work just in time at 9.00am. But the next day, his maid forgot to iron his pants. When he finally got his pants ironed and got on the train, it was already 8.40am.

At 9.10am when he rushed through the entrance to his office, his boss, Mr Wai Yew Lek, was hovering over his workstation asking “Why you late?”. Mr Lee Mian Koon felt it inappropriate to tell Mr Wai that his maid had forgotten to iron his pants.

A couple of days went by without incident, another couple of days went by with Mr Lee arriving at work with crumpled pants and sweaty shirt. What’s more, his pulse was always racing as the train pulled into his destination station. He only had minutes to spare. Sometimes, he had to run avoid being late.

Nothing disastrous until one day, as Mr Lee was about to get to the train station, he stepped on something mushy. It turned out to be dog poo. He rushed to the toilet to wash his shoe and spent 10 minutes washing off all the dog poo. He arrived at his office at 9.10am and was again greeted by a frowning Mr Wai Yew Lek.

A final warning. Mr Lee decided that the carrots were not worth all the hassle. He went to work during peak hours as usual. The squeeze was uncomfortable, but he really didn’t have much of a choice. The only convenient way for him to change his travel pattern is for the office to change its operating hours. Well, tell that to Mr Wai Yew Lek. He’ll probably show you his middle finger.

I remember how my secondary school avoided congestion at the canteen. By having a first recess and a second recess. The timings were staggered. The first recess ended before the second recess began and the lessons were all planned to accommodate these timings. Even though some classes which were supposed to take the first recess occasionally took the second because lessons went into “overtime”, there were no confusion and congestion. Mine was just a neighbourhood school and we certainly couldn’t afford to hire professors to conduct a study on how to encourage people to change their travel patterns.

Neither could we afford to give away carrots. And when floods occurred, we certainly couldn’t afford to employ a panel of professors just to tell us that we are paying a price for rapid urbanisation.

Let’s not underestimate the intelligence of public transport users. People who can avoid the peak hours already have. I for one, would always leave home early to avoid the peak hour crowds. We are not stupid. People who can plan their schedules and get out early without dipping their noses in egg would have already done so. Carrots won’t make it any easier for those who just can’t make it.

Unlike Bangalore, we don’t have “rubber time” here. Getting up early means that sleep-deprived Singaporeans are going to be even more sleep-deprived. Getting up later means that we’ll have less allowance for little incidents like spilling coffee and stepping on dog poo.

Some light-hearted stuff at Dewdrop Notes and Winter Worms.