Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

As an adventurer, it’s not easy to admit that I have my phobias. I don’t know about everybody, but for me, my phobias can all be traced back to some traumatic experience in the past.

People who know I can swim but wonder why I’ve never done any scuba diving may have guessed that diving is one of my fears. This came after I saw the bloated body of my OC when I was 18 and serving in the army. My OC then, CPT Chua, was a diving instructor. On a trip to Tioman with his trainees, he went missing and was later found stuck to rock underwater.

That image was to be retained by my traumatised mind for years to come. The mere suggestion of going for a scuba diving course would send shivers up my spine. I just couldn’t do it no matter how hard the diving enthusiasts tried to convince me that the sport is very safe and accidents are very rare.

When my good friend Jason was still alive, we used to go trekking and climbing together. After Jason’s demise, I’ve lost a good travelling companion. And good travelling companions can be very difficult to find. Regardless of whether you’re going to Bali or Britain, Nepal or Norway, it is important to accommodate. Whether it’s your companion’s shortcomings or a disruption of schedules, change of plans due to circumstances, a good travel companion or even the lone traveller must deal with them with patience and an even temper. I’m sure almost everyone reading this has had bad experiences with friend or acquaintances who are ingredients for a disastrous vacation. Some people have gone on holidays as friends and come back as enemies. Would you feel good about going with them again, knowing very well that you’re going to end up with another eruption of fiery temper?

Only a fool would repeat the same mistake. Such unpleasant and sometimes traumatic experiences can sometimes result in phobias too. Just like my next phobia. There was also a time when I loved to go to Chiangmai. It was my second home. Years ago, I met many foreigners who also treated the city as their second home. Almost none of them is left today. Some have just left in disillusionment. Some have died.

Take J for instance. I met in Kathmandu on my first visit there many years ago. J is a Malaysian guy who fell in love with Thailand in the late 80s and decided to settle down there. He set up a legal, decent clothing business close to the Malaysian border and for years, J went through many ups and downs, struggling with the culture, the mentality and the authorities. He put up with them until someone held a gun to his head and threatened to blow it off. He settled down in Nepal and never went back to Thailand again. Why? Phobia.

At the time when I met J, I was also making plans to settle down in the Land of Smiles. I dismissed J’s story as a rare exception, but all that changed after a most traumatic incident far worse than seeing my dead OC’s bloated and deformed body. Having come face to face with life threatening situations before, the only time I panic, become cowardly and helpless is when my kids are threatened.

And there are spoilt brats out there who would threaten, throw tantrums and even resort to violence to have things their way. The trigger for such acts of violence can be that imaginary dusty old file that should have been closed ages ago. In a foreign land where guns settle disputes, where elected governments can be toppled by mobs and the rule of law is seldom respected by the powerful spoilt brats who are feared and obeyed by everyone around them, I can be quite helpless. It’s one thing to enjoy a nice holiday, ignoring the minor glitches and just concentrate on having fun. It’s another thing to pick on every minor irritation, blow them up, invent a few more stories and use them as an excuse to lose one’s temper and exact “revenge” on the bewildered “offending” parties. 蛮不讲理 takes on a whole new meaning.

I was so relieved to have escaped alive from that episode. Yes, it’s going to be a phobia that would remain with me for life. I will never step into that house of horrors again, especially when I can see that trouble is already brewing - again.

Are you one of those parents who always needs to be around when your child is doing his/her homework? I may not remember much of my primary school curriculum, but I’m sure I didn’t do algebra at Primary 1!

Ali has 3 marbles more than Tom who has 1 marble more than Jerry. If Jerry has 2 marbles, how many marbles do Tom and Ali have?

Let Jerry have j marbles
Tom has j+1 marbles
Ali has 3+j+1 marbles
Given that j=2
Therefore Tom has 2+1=3 marbles
Ali has 3+2+1=6 marbles

Well, at least that was the way I was taught to do this sort of “problem sums”. I don’t know how smart other people and their kids are. But I certainly wouldn’t have a clue as to how many marbles Ali and Tom have when I was in Primary 1. And I don’t expect my 6-year-old son to be able to do that. To me, this is probably Primary 4 work. Why are they teaching it at Primary 1 now? A chill runs down my spine when I imagine what they might teach in Primary 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

If you think that’s not bad enough, have you heard of the Primary 2 kids who had to write book reviews as homework? Almost every child would seem to have read a book that no child would find interesting. Almost every child would get an A for their insightful review copied from Amazon.com. My son would probably get an F because instead of a book review, I’d be the only parent who would write an essay on how stupid the whole exercise is.

We are a nation obsessed with upgrading, efficiency and bang for buck. That’s not a bad thing - provided we don’t let things get out of hand. Compared to my son and other kids in school today, I went through primary school at a very comfortable pace. It’s not just about enjoying childhood. It’s also about being true to yourself. So what if my homework was never flawless? At least I understood most of it and did it myself. So what if my projects were made out of cheap cardboard and coloured paper? At least my parents didn’t have to scrimp on the next meal to get materials that would make my project look as professional as the others.

If learning is forever, why rush into it? More importantly, how much does a Primary 1 kid really need to know at Primary 1? Are the schools really in such need to show that they are improving and reaching ever higher standards? What simpler way to show “improvement” than bringing Primary 2 work to Primary 1.

Wow. That’s an impressive improvement. What do we do next year? Let’s bring the Primary 3 work to Primary 1. Wow!

The end point? There is no end point in theory, but for practical reasons, most people would stop at an MBA or a PhD. And my friend who holds an MBA (and a very expensive one too) just got retrenched for the nth time. He has been switching careers, attending diploma courses to help him remain employable. After multiple humbling career switches with equally humbling salaries, he still ended up retrenched. It’s quite baffling that with so much more experience, he is worth much less than he was young. He’s finally considering becoming a tour guide - a job done very well by another friend of mine who only finished his O Levels.

Is it because this friend of mine didn’t learn about how many marbles Ali has when he was in Primary 1? Would our kids not fall into the same predicament when they hit 40 because the education system they are under is now an improved one that will make sure you won’t wash toilets or drive taxis if you have an MBA?

I’m glad that I can sometimes decide my own worth. My years of experience are tangible and worth something in the field of dentistry. While I can still hold handpieces and scalpel blades steady, I don’t have to retrain and acquire new skills in a food court or toilet to remain employable. Not so for many friends my age. Many of them have reached their “employ by …” age. Like the primary school system, everything is being sped up in Singapore. We can’t wait to graduate. We can’t wait for the IRs to be built. We can’t wait for the next rally at the stock market.

So why not attain O Level knowledge by Primary 6. Retire to wash toilets by 40 (already happening). Draw CPF at 90. No, this is one thing which will only be slowed down. Happy speeding on the other lanes.