Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

So what’s new about the 5Cs? Some have included a sixth C - country club membership, but nothing beats something coming from a young lady from China. A mutual female friend of mine told me that this China lady doesn’t mind marrying a Singaporean man who has the 5Cs, but she is not impressed by the requirements set by Singaporean women. Not only does she have a totally different set of requirements, based more on the man’s attitude than on material possessions. She has an additional requirement which is curiously - No Hobby. Huh? It may sound a little quirky, but on closer examination, this sort of requirement makes perfect sense to the demanding woman.

According to the same China lady a hao lao gong must be:

1. hardworking, entrepreneurial, ready to set up shop and poach the ex-boss’ customers
2. thrifty, borrow, buy on credit and be in no hurry to pay up
3. have few friends, no enemies
4. socialise well with the well-heeled
5. have no expensive, time consuming hobbies
6. be generous towards the wife and kids
7. be supportive of whatever expensive, time-consuming hobbies that the wife might have
8. smoking is OK, but must be well-insured

Frankly, I had to check where my jaw had dropped after hearing all this. That’s going way beyond the 5Cs we often hear about. BUT… if that list can be “censored” and rephrased to hide the “sensitive” parts, it may appear totally innocent, non-mercenary and even politically correct. One doesn’t expect that kind of “wisdom” from a woman in her 20s. No wonder we need to import champions of all sorts from China.

Oh, before I forget, let us put our hands together and congratulate Li Jiawei on the birth of her baby boy. I’m sure she held her wedding in China because the restaurants in Singapore can’t do Peking duck right. And giving birth in Singapore would mean that our hospitals get some business from her. Nothing to do with the Singapore passport, I’m sure. And finally, here’s my gift to little Tianrui.

In English, it’s called cradle snatching. There is far more interesting Chinese expression. It’s called 老牛吃嫩草. For the uninitiated, the picture above shows 82-year-old American Nobel Laureate (Physics) Franklin Yang with his 28-year-old wife Weng Fan.

Such situations are not new to any society and both English and Chinese expressions carry negative connotations. The majority of sour gr … I mean kaypoh people will not have nice things to say about such couples. And if you knew that Weng Fan’s father is marrying her aged husband’s grand-daughter, you may throw up your last meal even if you’re not very kaypoh. How boring would this world be without these interesting characters who do the extraordinary.

Back in Singapore, our local celebrity Marcus Chin has created the same sort of stir in the media these couple of weeks. The reason? Everyone thought that Marcus has dumped his wife of 23 years to go with a sweet young thing whose age is quite close to his years being married. The same expression of 老牛吃嫩草 was used, this time with condemnation as Marcus is still technically a married man. Marcus defended himself by pointing out that bulls of all ages need to eat grass. There is no rule saying that old bulls can’t eat young grass. He made the mistake of not addressing the issue of his marital staus. In response, fans and haters blasted him big time. Is Marcus such a disgusting guy? Why do some people pretend to know what is right and good for him?

I first saw Marcus on TV when I was in primary school (early 70s). He was known as 建彬哥哥 in a children’s show called 小小天地. I also saw him off  TV. He was a regular visitor at the block at Commonwealth where I lived. On a few occasions, I took the lift together with him. It was rumoured that he was going after a girl living at my block. In secondary school, a classmate told me that Marcus was his primary school teacher.

Marcus took part in the Chinese Talentime. I was one of his supporters. Too bad he didn’t win. He later hosted variety programmes and performed in comic sketches. He disappeared from the entertainment scene for a while, then made a comeback in recent years. I think it’s good that he has come back. He is a witty DJ and a very talented performer. Singapore’s entertainment scene will not be the same without him.

Last night, Marcus appeared on TV to tell his side of the story. He explained that his marriage has been on the rocks since 16 years ago. Being brought up a certain way, they were reluctant to get divorced even though both were suffering. Finally, they couldn’t take it anymore and were officially separated since October last year. His relationship with his young assistant started in January this year and she wasn’t the third party that caused his marriage to break up. He also pledged 60% of his monthly income to his soon to be ex-wife and gave full ownership of their apartment to her.

He also apologised for his defence of 老牛吃嫩草. Whatever for? Nobody knows if he’s got any razor marks on his chest like our Kelantan princess. Nobody knows whether his wife has contributed positively or negatively to his current situation. Nobody knows if it was his wife who kept mentioning the D word while he endured it till he finally snapped. Maybe as a performer on the local scene, he needs to maintain a politically correct image so that his fans will not hate or abandon him or worse still, Mediacorp gets blamed for harbouring immoral artists.

Finally, allow me to congratulate (belatedly) our table tennis superstar Li Jiawei on her wedding. Did anybody from Singapore fly over to Beijing to congratulate with the happy couple? Would she recognise her fellow Singaporeans? Marcus can take a few lessons from Ms Li. Timing is important.