Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

First of all, we let our top terror suspect run away from a high security detention centre. The amazing Mas Selamat (see picture of him suppressing laughter) not only managed to evade arrest in spite of the entire police force including hounds set after him, he actually swam across the Straits of Johor laughing at the cursing truck drivers held up at the Causeway.

With our borders effectively sealed (so we were told) the authorities assured us that the man was still in Singapore and would soon be caught. As the printing presses kept rolling out Mas Selamat’s pictures which were being pasted at bus stops and other public places, our clever fugitive was enjoying a cool coconut drink in a picturesque village of Tawakal, Johor. Then, our internal security guys gave a credible tip to the Malaysian authorities which led to his capture.

Shall we give them an award for the “credible tip”? Why didn’t we give that “credible trip” a bit earlier and stop spending all that public money printing Mas Selamat posters? Or we could have printed those posters in Malaysia and distributed them in Johor. Then, the unsuspecting villagers of Kampung Tawakal would not have unwittingly harboured a terrorist suspect. Well, all that is history and our artful fugitive is once again behind bars - Malaysian bars this time.

Meanwhile, our leaders tell us to remain vigilant. They must think that we are celebrating. Mas Selamat …. no, terrorism is like a virus (you bet he is). Blah … blah … blah … Yes, we know. We totally agree and we are not celebrating, but let’s get back to the table and talk about the people who failed us and should be held accountable. What about the two glaring and embarrassing failures here?

1. Mas Selamat’s escape from the detention centre due to security lapses.
2. Mas Selamat’s escape from Singapore by swimming across to Johor, bypassing the traffic jam on the Causeway. I wonder why he didn’t die laughing.

All of a sudden, the Straits of Johor is labelled as “narrow”. Let’s see our DPM demonstrate how narrow it is by swimming across. Then, our coast guard patrols, equipped with high tech night vision goggles, infrared trip sensors, find it impossible to protect against territorial incursions or excursions on improvised flotation devices. Perhaps they can only spot aircraft carriers but not coconut dinghies. Sure, we are so high tech. How can we even think that anyone in this day and age would resort to coconut dinghies?

Somehow, I expected this. To others, it may be shocking. The numbers are out. The “arrest rate” amongst foreign workers is lower than that amongst residents in Singapore.

The Minstry of Home Affairs tells us that “the arrest rate for foreigners was 286, much lower than that for Singapore residents, which came to 435.”

Wait a minute. They said “arrest rate” and not crime rate. Now going by my non-expert understanding, “arrest rate” is not equal to crime rate. And going by common sense alone, if no arrests were made for a certain unsolved crime, there would be no sure way of telling whether the crime was committed by a Singaporean or a foreigner.

If I row into Singapore on a sampan, blow up the Merlion at Sentosa and then somehow manage to row back to Indonesia after getting some tips from Mas Selamat, I would contribute to the crime rate and not the arrest rate.

In order for arrest rate to be a meaningful reflection of the propensity to commit crimes, we must make the following assumptions:
1. Singaporean offenders are as good at evading arrest as foreign workers.
2. A negligible number of unsolved crimes are attributable to foreigners.
3. There are very few unsolved crimes.
4. The nature of crimes committed by Singaporeans and foreign workers is the same.

Take the common scenario of a family that employs a maid. Valuable items go missing. They search the maid’s bags. Nothing found. A crime has been committed, but no arrest can be made as there is no evidence against the foreigner. It’s only after the maid has left that the family finds out that she had hidden the stolen items in the bathroom and lowered them to her waiting accomplice downstairs through a window without grilles. If Singaporeans were a more cohesive, cooperative bunch, maybe our arrest rate can go down a bit.

Let’s look at a few other scenarios from my own personal observations. Someone breaks into a pharmacy, cracks the safe, sweep up the controlled drugs and disappears without a trace. No arrest. Foreigner or local? Someone smashes a car and steals the briefcase. No arrest. Foreigner or local? Someone walks into a clinic, snatches the lady doctor’s handbag and disappears. No arrest. Foreigner or local? Pools of urine on the stairway of a shopping centre. No arrest. Foreigner or local? Hordes of women prostitute themselves illegally at Geylang and Joo Chiat then disappear. No arrests. Foreigner or local?

Whether crime pays or not depends on whether the culprit is caught. If you’re a law-breaking local who hadn’t read “Took Leng How’s Secret Escape Manual” or Mas Selamat’s “Selamat Jalan Manual”, you’re basically a sitting duck waiting to be added to the numbers which prove that foreigners are better behaved than Singaporeans. Reminds me of the poor boy who stole candy but couldn’t run fast enough to avoid a spanking. The arrest rate for fat candy thieves must be very high. Beware of fat people. They steal candy - or at least that’s the Ministry of Home Affairs’ logic.