Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

Another impressive panel of “experts” was formed to help boost the economy. More enlightening advice to increase productivity. More “new” policies in the pipeline to control the flow of foreign workers. They decided that wine is good. Too much wine is bad. So what’s the plan? Increase foreign worker’s levy and keep the workers; the longer the better. Now why didn’t I think of that?

Strange world. Strange people. When billions are lost, people keep quiet. When there’s not going to be any football (don’t ask me which league, which match. I don’t watch football at all), you get angry protests from the public. This is my Singapore. The big and serious issues are discussed in hushed tones at the local coffeeshops. The petty ones get good and loud airing everywhere. Why? Because politically sensitive issues are downplayed by the media? Because football is a “safe topic” to complain about? But seriously, recreation is important.

You must either be very weird or very lucky to love your work. Even if you enjoy your work, you don’t want to be struggling to make ends meet when you’re in your 50s or 60s. But that is what’s happening in our society. Apart from a certain group of highly privileged people, we are all stressed out and struggling with all the hungry foreigners ready to take our jobs (even dentists are not safe).

At a dinner, a colleague of mine (Chinese man) joked that he wanted to send his children to India to study dentistry and then let them come back as “Indian dentists” since the chances of them getting into NUS are virtually NIL. We were put through a difficult and expensive course of study only to have foreigners coming in the “easy way”. We might as well raise our kids cheaply in a foreign country and then bring them back through the wide open doors on our shores if graduates who had gone through a much easier path (more holidays, less homework, lower school fees) are acccepted here.

Pass me another glass of wine. We might as well talk about football. Something’s got to give and drinking won’t always work. For me, it’s travel. It’s as important to me as football is to some guys. My Australian friend Lindsey who was beer-starved on an oil rig in Brunei once said that he needs beer more than he needs his wife.

Of course I wouldn’t risk the integrity of my skull by saying that, but people like my father simply cannot do without his daily yam cha sessions with his pals. Approaching 80 and after winning a battle against lymphoma 5 years ago, he is no longer worried about the big and small issues in life. He still does a bit of accounting every now and then, but sitting down with friends over a cup of tea and some tim sum is probably the most enjoyable thing for him. He doesn’t worry about whether his tim sum sessions earn him anything. He has a life and is living it as fully as he knows how.

In contrast, there are many young and stingy workholics who panic at the loss of $2 and they want to make every gathering with friends count. How many insurance policies can I sell? How many MLM downlines can I get from this outing? Which is why some people ask me what I stand to gain from my travels. How irritating. Of course I gain tremendously from these trips, but not in monetary terms. How do I explain that? Even Confucius can’t explain the four seasons to a grasshopper. Very often, I have to find excuses or highlight possibilities of finding treasures to justify a trip.

For many educated Singaporeans, a holiday means more than shopping, sleeping, watching trees grow, paint dry and catching up with the in-laws. For me, a trip without challenges and discoveries is a wasted trip. Not a real holiday.

I’m not a lazy person by any definition. In fact, I think I’m certifiably overworked and deserving of some reward. People who think I’m not working hard enough are just self-centered, inconsiderate and ignorant bozos. With so many tight and sometimes humanly impossible schedules, something’s got to give. I need to pick up my backpack and hit the dusty trails, write a story, take some nice pictures as much as football fans need to watch the World Cup, Father needs his tim sum and Lindsey needs his beer.

Are you one of those parents who always needs to be around when your child is doing his/her homework? I may not remember much of my primary school curriculum, but I’m sure I didn’t do algebra at Primary 1!

Ali has 3 marbles more than Tom who has 1 marble more than Jerry. If Jerry has 2 marbles, how many marbles do Tom and Ali have?

Let Jerry have j marbles
Tom has j+1 marbles
Ali has 3+j+1 marbles
Given that j=2
Therefore Tom has 2+1=3 marbles
Ali has 3+2+1=6 marbles

Well, at least that was the way I was taught to do this sort of “problem sums”. I don’t know how smart other people and their kids are. But I certainly wouldn’t have a clue as to how many marbles Ali and Tom have when I was in Primary 1. And I don’t expect my 6-year-old son to be able to do that. To me, this is probably Primary 4 work. Why are they teaching it at Primary 1 now? A chill runs down my spine when I imagine what they might teach in Primary 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

If you think that’s not bad enough, have you heard of the Primary 2 kids who had to write book reviews as homework? Almost every child would seem to have read a book that no child would find interesting. Almost every child would get an A for their insightful review copied from Amazon.com. My son would probably get an F because instead of a book review, I’d be the only parent who would write an essay on how stupid the whole exercise is.

We are a nation obsessed with upgrading, efficiency and bang for buck. That’s not a bad thing - provided we don’t let things get out of hand. Compared to my son and other kids in school today, I went through primary school at a very comfortable pace. It’s not just about enjoying childhood. It’s also about being true to yourself. So what if my homework was never flawless? At least I understood most of it and did it myself. So what if my projects were made out of cheap cardboard and coloured paper? At least my parents didn’t have to scrimp on the next meal to get materials that would make my project look as professional as the others.

If learning is forever, why rush into it? More importantly, how much does a Primary 1 kid really need to know at Primary 1? Are the schools really in such need to show that they are improving and reaching ever higher standards? What simpler way to show “improvement” than bringing Primary 2 work to Primary 1.

Wow. That’s an impressive improvement. What do we do next year? Let’s bring the Primary 3 work to Primary 1. Wow!

The end point? There is no end point in theory, but for practical reasons, most people would stop at an MBA or a PhD. And my friend who holds an MBA (and a very expensive one too) just got retrenched for the nth time. He has been switching careers, attending diploma courses to help him remain employable. After multiple humbling career switches with equally humbling salaries, he still ended up retrenched. It’s quite baffling that with so much more experience, he is worth much less than he was young. He’s finally considering becoming a tour guide - a job done very well by another friend of mine who only finished his O Levels.

Is it because this friend of mine didn’t learn about how many marbles Ali has when he was in Primary 1? Would our kids not fall into the same predicament when they hit 40 because the education system they are under is now an improved one that will make sure you won’t wash toilets or drive taxis if you have an MBA?

I’m glad that I can sometimes decide my own worth. My years of experience are tangible and worth something in the field of dentistry. While I can still hold handpieces and scalpel blades steady, I don’t have to retrain and acquire new skills in a food court or toilet to remain employable. Not so for many friends my age. Many of them have reached their “employ by …” age. Like the primary school system, everything is being sped up in Singapore. We can’t wait to graduate. We can’t wait for the IRs to be built. We can’t wait for the next rally at the stock market.

So why not attain O Level knowledge by Primary 6. Retire to wash toilets by 40 (already happening). Draw CPF at 90. No, this is one thing which will only be slowed down. Happy speeding on the other lanes.