Yours Toothfully by Dr Chan Joon Yee

SMRT has always been sparing no effort in promoting gracious behaviour. Let others get out before you get in. Give up your seat to someone who needs it more (so we don’t have to provide more seats). Move away from the doors (we don’t care if you’re alighting soon, just let us pack as many people as we can).

And to get their message across this time, they’ve employed Gurmit Singh, the funny man who tickled local viewers from Channel 5 to Channel 8 with iconic characters like Phua Chu Kang. And if we look at the comments on YouTube, we realise that many people enjoyed this educational video.

“Don’t pray pray, let me out first”.

Huh? A foreigner may ask what on earth that means. Sure, Phua Chu Kang is funny and meaningful in front of a local audience. What about foreigners? Well, I saw an ang moh lady carrying a backpack dancing to the beat, but that’s not really the point. This is not part of the Arts Festival. There is a serious message behind Phua Chu Kang’s performance. If that message doesn’t get across, money would have been wasted.

This video has been played many times over in the MRT stations since it was first launched. Has it or will it ever make MRT users more gracious and considerate? To answer that question, we must first look at the people who need to be educated most.

The other day, as I was trying to get into the train at Dhoby Ghaut, a woman who was entering the train and talking loudly into her mobile phone suddenly made a U-turn at the door and walked out, pushing against the flow of boarding passengers. She was trying to catch a glimpse of the number of the station (NE6) to inform the person she was talking to.

Phu Chu Kang didn’t tell us not to do that. In fact, he didn’t even sing/rap in a language that this woman can understand. I think before we even try to produce a video that serves any educational purpose, we must first find out the language spoken by the majority of those who don’t behave in a considerate manner.

Do we have the appropriate talent for an effective educational video that targets the rapidly growing segment of our population that needs to be educated on considerate behaviour? You bet.

First of all, we let our top terror suspect run away from a high security detention centre. The amazing Mas Selamat (see picture of him suppressing laughter) not only managed to evade arrest in spite of the entire police force including hounds set after him, he actually swam across the Straits of Johor laughing at the cursing truck drivers held up at the Causeway.

With our borders effectively sealed (so we were told) the authorities assured us that the man was still in Singapore and would soon be caught. As the printing presses kept rolling out Mas Selamat’s pictures which were being pasted at bus stops and other public places, our clever fugitive was enjoying a cool coconut drink in a picturesque village of Tawakal, Johor. Then, our internal security guys gave a credible tip to the Malaysian authorities which led to his capture.

Shall we give them an award for the “credible tip”? Why didn’t we give that “credible trip” a bit earlier and stop spending all that public money printing Mas Selamat posters? Or we could have printed those posters in Malaysia and distributed them in Johor. Then, the unsuspecting villagers of Kampung Tawakal would not have unwittingly harboured a terrorist suspect. Well, all that is history and our artful fugitive is once again behind bars - Malaysian bars this time.

Meanwhile, our leaders tell us to remain vigilant. They must think that we are celebrating. Mas Selamat …. no, terrorism is like a virus (you bet he is). Blah … blah … blah … Yes, we know. We totally agree and we are not celebrating, but let’s get back to the table and talk about the people who failed us and should be held accountable. What about the two glaring and embarrassing failures here?

1. Mas Selamat’s escape from the detention centre due to security lapses.
2. Mas Selamat’s escape from Singapore by swimming across to Johor, bypassing the traffic jam on the Causeway. I wonder why he didn’t die laughing.

All of a sudden, the Straits of Johor is labelled as “narrow”. Let’s see our DPM demonstrate how narrow it is by swimming across. Then, our coast guard patrols, equipped with high tech night vision goggles, infrared trip sensors, find it impossible to protect against territorial incursions or excursions on improvised flotation devices. Perhaps they can only spot aircraft carriers but not coconut dinghies. Sure, we are so high tech. How can we even think that anyone in this day and age would resort to coconut dinghies?