Like most people, I have a handful of very trustworthy old friends. If there’s anything good about the army at all, it has to be the opportunity it gave me to make some “friends for life”. And like most people, I’ve had unpleasant experiences with fair weather friends as well. These are people who shower you with gifts, praises, words of concern when you are doing well, but would quickly sever all ties with you when you are in debt, in trouble or both.
Many people are disgusted by such behaviour. I’m a little more forgiving. That’s because I recognise that everyone has the right to self-preservation. Nobody; not even your best friends, not even your spouse or family is obliged to stay on a sinking boat with you. With this in mind, I’m usually not very harsh towards people who abandon me in times of trouble. It’s their right, actually. There is nothing morally wrong with being a fair weather friend. Everyone is a fair weather friend to somebody. We are mere mortals who can’t spread ourselves too thin.
I take a guarded approach towards sales people who are nice to me. I’m often friendly towards them, but I understand very well that they are just making a living and friendship with the customer is secondary. In any business environment, there is nothing wrong with favours and treats being conditional. Even amongst true friends, how many of us would feel comfortable if our friends keep doing us favours without anything in return? Would we not feel bad about it?
But there is one category of friends who are worse than fair weather friends. I call them the On & Off Friends. These are people who shower you with attention when you are doing well, abandon you when your boat is sinking and then return to you when the storm is over as if nothing happened.
These are people who point out every little mistake you made to get yourself into dire straits (even though it’s temporary and planned). They draw a line to indicate that they have no part in your predicament and declare that they will not go down with you. Again, I would not fault these people if they feel so strongly about the one they condemn as a loser. However, I would be totally disgusted if these folks make a quick switch when your fortunes take a turn for the better. They are completely amnesic about your alleged incompetence, poor judgement and ignorance. They want to be a part of your team again. They want to be onboard your ship, sailing off into the sunset on calm seas.
Forgiving and recovering from the hurt of abandonment can come quite naturally for most of us. What is difficult is to allow a deserter to come back onboard. Life and business are so full of uncertainties. What if the boat hits another storm? Can we trust the former deserter to sail through it with us?
Dewdrop Notes
Dr Chan's Kitchen